"At this moment of the final parting, my heart is heavy with sorrow and grief.” -MM Lee
OMGGGGGG it makes me so depressed just reading this. It is so tragic. It must really be difficult losing someone so close, someone whom he spent 63 years with.
It made me ponder and think about the issues surrounding death.
It is the most heartbreaking, cruel, depressing, melancholic thing that one can ever experience - losing someone they love dearly.
This begets the question:
Why must there be DEATH in this world?!?!?!?!!!
I guess the main reason is so that the earth would not be overcrowded and teeming with people. Death helps to eliminate people to make space for newborn babies. It is understandable if murderers, rapists, smokers have to be gotten rid of (they deserve it actually). But what about the other good people in this world???!! WHY DO THEY HAVE TO DIE???!!!! What about hamsters and other small cute animals, why can't they live forever?!!!?
I hate it that death creates a PERMANENT separation between the living and the dead. I really wish that there was a way that I could contact the dead like right now (but not with the help of a freaky medium). I want to create this spooky phone that allows me to call the 'departed' (I would call it "Dead-Line").
I wanna call my mum and talk to her. I can think of countless things to say to her. I want to call her "mummy" and tell her about my life and my problems. I want to ask her - was she as skinny as me when she was my age?? I want her to scold me for my messy room, my bad shopping habits, my laziness and procrastination. I want her nag at me to bathe, to sleep, to study. I REALLY NEED SOME FORM OF SCOLDING + NAGGING (my dad is just horrible at it). I want her to discipline my life (which is so lacking currently).
I don't mind not being able to see her, but being able to just hear her voice again would make me really happy. I am actually ashamed to admit that I can't remember how she sounds like anymore. I think its just really really sad.
I guess my ultimate wish is that there could be just ONE day that she will return and we can spend time together again. I JUST ASK FOR ONE DAY!!! I want to show her how much Tampines Mall has changed, and bring her shopping at Orchard Road. I want to show her my life, and let her know how much she has missed.
I wonder...will she be able to recognise me? Is the 'me' now somebody that she wanted me to be? How different would I be if she was still around? Will she be happy with the life I am leading now? Will she be proud or disappointed in me?? I want to know - how similar am I to her? Did I inherit my love of shopping from her? Does she love shopping as much as I do? How much clothes, shoes, and bags did she own? Would she approve of my choices of clothes, shoes and bags? Would we have been able to share clothes??
I will never know the answers for sure, as I know that the day will never come, despite me desperately wishing that it would. But I'm sure it would be awesome to spend a day with her. I want to hug her so badly, and tell her how much I miss her. I want to be there when it is time to say goodbye.
So much time has passed that many memories of her has become just a distant, vague memory (hate it that I have bad memory!!!). I wanna relive the moments spent with her, and relish it.
But I am comforted to know for a fact that she is in a much better place, full of happiness and free from all suffering. She is in the presence of God and I can't think of anywhere better than that to be in than that :) I mean, after living in this shitty world for almost 20 years, I can't wait to go heaven too.
On another note, I am feeling extremely full right now and I don't know why (I have not even finished my dinner!!!). My skirt is sooooo freaking tight right now that it is so difficult to breathe. Just one macaroni more and I think my skirt will burst in the seams.
I AM GETTING FAT. OMG.
I want more fats. But why are all the fats appearing at the wrong places??!! :(
