LEATHER SHORTS!!!!

Yikes, I am so BROKE already :(

OLD.

AHHHHHHHHHH I AM NOW 20 YEARS OLD.

The word "old" here is so apt to describe my age. The first digit is now a horrifying "2" and there's NO mention of youth in my age expressed by the word "teen". :( TWENTY? It kinda marks the start of the "aunTY" era. From this day onwards, imma teen no more, just becoming more old and aunty with every year. :(

How can people like call a baby a "one year old"? Now when I think of it, it just seems so wrong. The word "old" here is so wrongfully used. "Young" would be more appropriate i think. Argh. i don't wanna celebrate my birthday anymore. I don't want to reminded about how OLD i am and worse, that I am growing OLDER!!

Do I feel different? Not really. Perhaps I feel a little more "aged" but that's about it. I don't feel any wiser or anything good like that.


Maybe I should come up with a list on what I ought to do now that i am so OLD.

1. Be INDEPENDENT (i must not depend on my dad for everything!!!)
2. PARK A CAR (its been more than a year omg)
3. Gain weight (maybe seek professional help in achieving that)
4. Learn how to cook, bake, clean the house, wash clothes, etc...
5. Ensure that my room is a clean environment to live in at all times
6. Learn about investment and the likes and hopefully increase my wealth exponentially
7. Get a relief teaching job!!!!
8. Be more conscientious and serious in everything that I do
9. Increase bravery and grow more skin
10. I dont know what else.
    

Thank you Father for blessing me these 20 years, I want to be a blessing to others just as how you have blessed me so abundantly.

Transition

Last day of being a teen. Definitely a milestone in my life.

How I spent the LAST day of my teenage life:

Woke up at 8.30 to study, felt really confident and invulnerable, then got pwned by the paper, ate Swensen's earthquake ice cream, slept like a coma patient on the train and missed my stop, bought fake shark fin soup (yummy!!!), downloaded this week's episode of gossip girl, fell asleep while waiting for the download to be complete, ate dinner while watching gossip girl, caught up on all the episodes I missed on clicknetwork (hehehe I love Budget Barbie!!), and now I am narrating the entire scenario of my boring day.

Wow, what an awesome transition.

No guessing what I'm going to do later tonight. Study!!!!! After reading about public policy and stuff on the newspaper about how difficult it is getting elected into the member of parliament, I'm seriously reconsidering my aspiration on being a politician. I'm going to be 20 in a mere few hours and yet I still do not know what I want in life. Yikes.? Honestly all I wanna do is to go shopping all day and at night (if the shops are open).

My wallet is a BLACK HOLE

Best time-waster ever

Yikes. I think I just wasted yet another day. Ohnooooo. WHAT DID I MANAGE TO ACHIEVE TODAY?! The only thing I can remember is that bigger stars have shorter life spans. It feels like exams are already over after stats paper, but there's 4 more papers to go :( I wish I can just get spammed by exams tomorrow (like give me all 4 papers in one shot), then I won't have to feel guilty anymore idling my time away.

I need my A in astro. Its my only glimmer of hope in securing a distinction. So i better get back to seeing stars and moons on paper urgh.

But unfortunately, temptation awaits tonight at 7pm. There's IRON MAN on channel 5!!!! It would require a great deal of self control to restrain myself from turning on tv later on... I bet i will just join the dark side. Like who can resist Ironman, right?? :/

Fail at driving :(

Today, 10th December 2010, marks the one year anniversary of my license.

In effect, this means that I am no longer required to display the "triangle" when driving anymore.

After one year of driving, it is assumed that drivers have accumulated enough experience that they no longer pose as a safety hazard on roads, and hence are given the liberty to remove the "triangle". But sad to say, I do not fall under that assumption.

I guess I'll just leave the triangle on for the rest of my life. It shouldn't be an offence right, when I just want to signal to others to beware of me. It's for everyone's well being afterall...

Revival

There's gonna be a great awakening.

Armour up

Hurhur. The ominous cloud of impending doom is drawing near, yet I am in this strange state of calm and serenity. Just 2 more days??!

I can't wait. My battle with stats shall commence.
Weirdly, the test is about testing tests.


H0: defeat
H1: will not be defeated

Using the test-of-determination, calculated perserverance is more than the critical value.
Therefore, I will reject H0 and conclude that I will not be defeated at the 100% significance level.

Costs of Exams

Studying for exams can be very EXPENSIVE.

Spending some quality time with the books at home has its costs too. I miss shopping centres so much... I am so glad that my lappy can offer me the intense retail therapy treatment that I really need ;)

Arghhh. I thought I could save money during this exam period... but I should have know better.

Money CAN buy happiness

Okayyyy, so Bonito was having a sale and I couldn't help it but get myself two new pieces of clothes. But wait, a SALE??! I only saved 7 miserable dollars!!!!!! I wouldn't exactly call that a 'Sale'! I guess I had just foolishly fallen for some ruse whereby they sneakily use the word "sale" to trick gullible people like me into buying stuff irrationally. But ohwell, its some money saved. And there was FREE POSTAGE!!!! Heeeee.

Whoever said that money cannot buy happiness is apparently wrong. I think I may have just bought some happiness (though only transient). I mean, it is a freaking harsh world, spending five days immersed in Stats (urgh) and still not seeing the statistical light, I really do deserve to buy myself some happiness. :)




Hahahaha, I think just buying something from a sale makes me happy already (even though it means only saving $7 in total :/)

Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?

The beauty of poop

I can finally appreciate the importance and the beauty of excretion, despite it being a filthy act in itself. With all the food stored up in my tummy for days, my stomach is about to explode. I dare not eat anymore, if not I will puke for sure. Even now, I feel sick when I talk cos somehow my stomach muscles are stretched.

Is this the feeling of a pregnant woman, just that instead of carrying a baby, I am hoarding a whole mass of food in my tummy.

Now now, WHERE IS MY WORM?!?! When I really need my wormie, it fails to do its job of eating my food. Is it malfunctioning or is it dead??! :(

I REALLY NEED TO POOP, LIKE SERIOUSLY. I will just die with all the food stuck within me.

The best thing that happened to me

Dear iPhone, I am in love with you. You are the best thing I ever bought. The utility you deliver far surpasses that from the amount of clothes I could get with that money. You are no longer a frivalous want, but a dire need. I think everyone in the world should own an iPhone. I am sure this will bring about world peace. North Korea would no longer be firing missiles at South Korea. Instead, conflicts will concern who achieved the highest score on Tap Tap by using cheats. North Korea can prove their supremacy by emerging top in Paper Toss. Gangsters will slash fruits instead of people. The resulting positive externalities are endless.

There is now an iPhone-shaped place in my heart which nothing can ever fill, except you.

Zzzzzzz

I thought I promised myself not to buy any more "nonsense" but I am a total loser, I broke my promise. I am so horrible, I couldn't even keep a simple promise to myself!!! :(

Like one day after I swore not spend anymore money, I kind of lost my mind, spending irrationally, hoarding a bulk of items.

Tskkkkkk! And today, I just couldn't resist thissssss.


However, I am convinced that I won't be spending much for the next month because I will be spending all my days preceding the exams studying feverishly at home. This is awesome cos I'm saving money by staying at home. Free meals and all... (Y) Awesome money saving strategy.

Now, just need to survive 2 more weeks of being exposed to the evils and temptations prevalent in society.

Tower of Awesomeness

I am really inspired to try this out one day.
*salivates*

THE formidable Tower of Awesomeness. ♥

Bad News

I'm gonna be a really poor dude in december. :(

Why must money be such a scarce and depletable resource??!


Another concrete reason not to buy any more clothes this month. Sighhhhh.




No more after this. Promise :S

YOU CAN'T TRAP JUSTICE!!!!!

Megamind: In case you've noticed, you've fallen right into my trap!
Metro Man: You can't trap justice! It's an idea, a BELIEF!

Megamind: Even the most heartfelt belief can get corroded with crime!
Metro Man: Justice is a non-corrosive metal!

Megamind: But metals can be melted, by the heat of revanche!
Metro Man: It's REVENGE, and it's best served cold!
Megamind: But it can be easily reheated, in the microwave of evil!

♥♥♥

"When you are sad, think of the people who are miserable."
- Optimist.

Even when the going gets tough

FORK ON.

Enlightened

Today, I learned something new, by making a mistake that cost me 1.3333333 marks.

The densest planet in the solar system is EARTH.


But I don't understand... Why not mercury since it is the smallest planet??!!


Therefore I come to the conclusion, ASTRONOMY HAS NO LOGIC.

I’ve been housing all this doubt and insecurity and
I’ve been locked inside that house all the while you hold the key

I am a hostage to my own humanity
Self detained and forced to live in this mess I’ve made.

Very good advice

".... when you’ve already won her heart, you don’t need to win every argument."

Argh

Oh, how awesome is it that today is HALLOWEEN.

I sure am celebrating it right this year by doing the SCARIEST thing ever - studying the scourge of this world, Econometrics.

Multiple linear regression analysis, dummy variables, multicollinearity, heteroscedasticity........


All the above makes me infinitely miserable. It is so disgusting I can't stop complaining.
Maths, maths, mathsssss, when will I ever rid you from my life???!!??!

Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen

Show me how to love like you have loved me.

Please buy my clothes!!!!

Urgh I can't study properly. I keep thinking of the iphone!!!!!!! HELPPPPPP.


Just updated my sales journal.

I keep advertising but sadly to no avail. I've not sold anything for like 2 months already??!?!? Grrrr :(
Must go on hardcore advertising mode from now on.

I hope some kind souls will buy my clothesssss. Please please pleaseeeeeee
Contribute to my iphone fund!!!!!!

Happy

HAHAHAHAHAHA

I'M FRIENDS WITH MR MAH BOW TAN ON FB!!!!!!!!!!!!
And he's the real dude okkkkk.


Okkkkkk lame, but things like these makes me reallyyyyyyy happy ;)

In Christ Alone

This further substantiates my point that Owl City is AWESOME.
Adam Young is really really talented ;)

I love his rendition of "In Christ Alone".

In Christ alone my hope is found
He is my light, my strength, my song
This Cornerstone, this solid ground
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm
What heights of love, what depths of peace
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease
My Comforter, my All in All
Here in the love of Christ I stand

In Christ alone, who took on flesh
Fullness of God in helpless babe
This gift of love and righteousness
Scorned by the ones He came to save
'Til on that cross as Jesus died
The wrath of God was satisfied
For every sin on Him was laid
Here in the death of Christ I live

There in the ground His body lay
Light of the world by darkness slain
Then bursting forth in glorious Day
Up from the grave He rose again
And as He stands in victory
Sin's curse has lost its grip on me
For I am His and He is mine
Bought with the precious blood of Christ

No guilt of life, no fear in death
This is the power of Christ in me
From life's first cry to final breath
Jesus commands my destiny
No power of hell, no scheme of man
Can ever pluck me from His hand
'til He returns or calls me home
Here in the power of Christ I'll stand

This song is soooo meaningful and touching.
I know this is gonna be morbid sounding, but because this song holds so much meaning to me, I've decided that I want this song to be played during my funeral.

Let go

Words of wisdom coming from Ivan Vanko (Iron Man 2):

Or people, for that matter.

BB or iPhone or NONE??!

Everyone in my family has an iPhone.....
EXCEPT ME :(


I WANT A NEW PHONE TOO!!!!!!



Blackberry or iPhone????!!?

I really like the appearance of the Blackberry, but the iPhone has much more features (but it is really ugly)!!!! But then again, I already have a touch!!

But I have to pay for it myself :(
So maybe I should get NONE at all.


My brother reminded me, if I do not buy any clothes for two months, I can afford to get a new phone already.

But..... HOW CAN I GO THROUGH 2 MONTHS WITHOUT BUYING ANY CLOTHES?!?!?!!??
I will definitely be super miserable..

So, does plenty of new clothes or a new phone give me a higher utility??

With my pathetic budget line, I can only buy a new phone at the expense of less clothes. Will buying a new phone shift me to a higher indifference curve?? Will I be maximizing my utility and satisfaction???????

Arghhhhhhh. This is a very difficult decision to make.


I feel like opening a new savings account for my "blackberry/iphone fund". But whatttttt, the bank deducts $2 from the account every month if there is less than $500?!?!? WHAT KIND OF BANK DOES THIS?!?!?!?!!?? Do they not understand that not everyone has $500 to spare?? I rather store my money at home then. Moneysuckers :(

GG

I broke my ultimate combo by not going to school today for the sole purpose of studying econometrics (such an irony).

But wthhh, I woke up later than the time I would have reached home if I had gone to school.


Arghhhh. There goes my plan for the day. AGAIN.

March On

Like soldiers, march on

If we can make it through the night we'll see the sun.

Through the good times, through the bad times
Through the long days, through the hard nights

Keep on till we see the sun.


March on, march on.

Double Marginalization

OMGGGG SHINee is in Singapore today?!????
So awesome to think that somehow I am sharing the same hazy Singapore air as them. :D



I wanna see KIM KIBUM!!!!!! Pleaseeeee!!

I don't care, I AM GOING FOR THE NEXT CONCERT.


I am so sick of studying already. Instead of feeling more knowledgeable, I feel so much stupider. The notes seem to be mocking me, so incomprehensible. Yucks. I feel like I am studying for a damn maths paper. Whyyyyy so much of maths involved?!? :(

Super scared for my test on monday. I believe it is gonna bring my GPA down down down down...
I rather sit for O levels ten times than to go for that test of doom. :S

Kim Kibum

Hiiiiii, I can't believe I am filling up this space with so many pictures of some random guy.
But whatever. He is undeniably cute and HOT at the same time!!!!!

And it makes me happy by doing so!!! Teeehee :P



I ♥♥♥ HIS HAIR :^)



I kinda saved alot of his pictures into my com (stalker!!!!) Omg I am becoming like one of those crazy fans who have a folder in their computer entirely dedicated to their favourite star. Nooooooooooooo

I promise that this will be the first and last time okkkkk



So sad that he is younger than me. Is it that I am old or is he the one that is young???! Arghhhh


I am secretly contemplating on setting the picture below as my desktop wallpaper. That would be the ultimate craziness. I don't even know him. I only learnt how to recognise him today after looking at so many of his pictures. I only know that he is called Key, his real name is Kim Kibum, and that he is part of SHINee, and that he looks so awesome.

Does that make him worthy of a wallpaper status???




Omgggg, i can't decide.

Tangled up in you

Omggggg, I promise this is one of the BEST songs ever. EVERY single word is so meaningful. ♥

THIS IS GONNA BE MY WEDDING SONG ♥♥♥♥




Tangled Up In You - Staind

You're my world, the shelter from the rain
You're the pills that take away my pain
You're the light that helps me find my way
You're the words when I have nothing to say

And in this world where nothing else is true
Here I am still tangled up in you
I'm still tangled up in you
Still tangled up in you

You're the fire that warms me when I'm cold
You're the hand I have to hold as I grow old
You're the shore when I am lost at sea
You're only thing that I like about me

And in this world where nothing else is true
Here I am still tangled up in you
I'm still tangled up in you

How long has it been since this storyline began
And I hope it never ends and goes like this forever

In this world where nothing else is true
Here I am still tangled up in you, tangled up in you
I'm still tangled up in you
Still tangled up in you

Crack

Today, I did the most loserish thing ever

I googled "HOW TO CRACK AN EGG".


So embarrassing that I don't know how to crack an egg properly...
But after watching the ultimate egg cracking video on youtube,





I learnt the 4 easy steps to cracking an egg!

1. Wash your hands and hold the egg in your favourite hand, between your middle finger and thumb, resting your first finger along the egg's side.
2. With one swift decisive motion, crack the egg on a flat surface or on the edge of a bowl to make a clean horizontal crack at the side of the egg. (DON'T TAP SOFTLY!!)
3. Use both of your thumbs to separate the shells on either sides of the crack, by moving up and away from the crack.
4. Let the contents of the egg fall into the bowl and remove pieces of shell from the egg if necessary.
   

And with this, I cracked my first egg successfully (without leaving any eggshell residue!!)
Yippeeee!!!!

IMMA EGGCRACKER.

So fantastic

SO FANTASTIC~
SO ELASTIC

Fantastic, fantastic, fantastic, fantastic
Elastic, elastic, elastic, elastic

It seems like nonsense, why is it stuck in my head!?!?!???


Hello SHINee do you glitter and sparkle?? (like your name suggests)
I think you do, because I am mesmerized. I think your dance is the awesomest thing ever!






Are the two the same person??? I feel so loser that I still can't differentiate them. But omgggg, this dude (I think his name is Key or something) - HE IS CAPTIVATING. His stare and that smirk is so seductive I am spellbound. He is just soooo hot ;) But I don't like his name. Why did he call himself Key, of all names??!!!


One week after listening to my 31 Korean songs on repeat, I am a convert. Even my ringtone now is a korean song. The beat is so catchy and the dance moves are awesome. I wish I could dance like that too. Arghhhh why all the korean singers can dance so well. >:(

Again

Dieeeeeeee. I have already spent more than I did last month, and barely half the month has passed. Shopping is reallyyyyy damaging. :(

Bags

OMGGGGGGGG, I was searching practically EVERYWHERE for my monopoly deal cards. When I couldn't find it in my room, I decided to search my bags.

That's when I realised that having so many bags isn't a good thing afterall. After rummaging through my pile of bags, I finally found the cards with considerable difficulty. And I was almost sweating. I guess I'm just experiencing diminishing marginal returns and decreasing returns to scale.

I decided to draw a beautiful graph to illustrate my depressing situation.

The quantity of bags I have has definitely exceeded Q since I see my utility (happiness) decreasing as I own more bags. It is so difficult to find items that I placed in my bag and forgot about. I have to exert more effort, time and energy in searching through ALL the bags and it makes me rather angsty too.


After counting, I am appalled to discover that I have 28 bags altogether (WHY DO I HAVE SO MANY?!?!?!???). I never thought it would actually reach such an amount. Now I know why my dad keeps scolding me....

RECESS!!!!

WOOOOOHOOOOHAAAAAAAAAAA RECESS WEEK IS FINALLY HEREEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!

Omg time really flies, I can't believe it has been 7 weeks since school started.

7 weeks = 1.75 months = 21 days = 315 hours of school and 84 hours of traveling



My biggest achievement for this sem is that I DID NOT SKIP A SINGLE LECTURE/TUTORIAL. I went to school EVERYDAY, and attended all lessons religiously. Is it just awesome or what??
Perhaps it is something trivial, but this is the first time in my entire life without skipping school for 1.75 months. I'm really proud of myself for that :)

Now I have developed this strong feeling of disgust and am repulsed by people who are constantly absent from school citing various reasons such as "I got bad stomachache", "I got stomach cramps", "I woke up late", "I got food poisoning", "I got dental appointment", "I couldn't wake up", "I got headache", etc....
Who knows how many of these reasons are legitimate (most likely NONE). Why don't you just say "I am LAZY to go to school, so I'm not going". Don't make up stupid excuses to cover up for your obvious lack of discipline and responsibility.

It is probably hypocritical of me to be saying all these because I am also guilty of practicing the above (but in the past!). But ever since I have learnt and seen the value and importance of attending lectures, I have discarded my bad habits. I guess it is time for you to WAKE UP.

So ironic that when I was in hall, I couldn't wake up for 8.30am lectures but now despite having to spend 2 hours traveling to school, it seems effortless. HAH. My results better improve, if not I probably won't turn up for lectures next sem already.

Going CRAZY

OMG DAMN. I am supposed to be researching on market structures and barriers to entry but I kinda did otherwise.
I never thought that I would ever be listening to korean songs willingly. But I just spent 1 hour watching korean mvs and now I'm afraid I am ADDICTED.


How come the dudes all look so mesmerizing one??!! Did they all put on makeup or do plastic surgery or something??


I must have dismissed korean singers far too early. I wonder how come I could not see the beauty and appreciate korean music (guys) till NOW. But it is never too late heeee :)

Now I know why so many people are crazy over them. They ALL look soooo good!!! Wait till I learn how to differentiate the dudes (why do they look like clones!!!) and pick the best looking one and he will replace Dan Humphrey already. OMGGGG BUT HOW TO CHOOSE??!! Its like trying to pick out the cutest hamster in a pet shop. Almost impossible.


I wonder if I am a guy, would I have hair as nice as theirs?? Omg I can't stop admiring their hair, I think its nicer than mine I am jealous.

RING DING DONG

LOL I think this is the funniest music video EVER.

OMG I totally can't stand the "RING DING DONG RING DING DONG" part.
WHAT KIND OF DANCE ARE THEY DOING??!?!?!!!

IT IS HILARIOUS.




ARGHHHHH SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH ME ALREADY!!!!!!!!!!!!

I AM BEGINNING TO LIKE KOREAN SONGS.

THIS IS JUST SOOOOO WRONG.

Sleep vs Weight

Saw this on tv just now,

People who sleep less than 4 hours a day have a 73% chance higher of gaining weight.

Is the reason why I can't seem to gain weight because I sleep TOO much???!


But on hindsight, how can anyone sleep less than 10 hours, let alone less than 4 hours?????
ARE THEY EVEN HUMAN??!!

Finally something with pictures!

Omg. IT IS BACK! With a vengeance.

After weeks of abstinence and painfully suppressing my urges, I crumbled and transformed into Darth Vader.
(But I still must give myself some credit for not buying anything for this long!!!:)


With a mindset of a limitless spending power, I walked into F21 and triumphantly emerged with these:




That place is full really of evil!!!! How come they have so many pretty accessories that even after narrowing down my choices after careful elimination, I still end up buying so much!!!! I should really avoid going there already. I should not be going to shopping centres actually (danger zone!!!).

Subsequently, I also bought a pair of new shoes (there was 20% discount, how could i resist!!!!). Despite my dislike for wearing shoes, I still keep buying them!!! Why must shoes look so nice and alluring!!!!! Must kick my bad habit of wearing slippers/sandals everyday already...



Anyway, today I watched one of the WORST movies ever.

I left feeling angry with myself for watching this movie. What a waste of time!!!! I am simply appalled at how lousy and boring the show is. It was putting me to sleep and I felt like leaving the cinema. Its a freaking waste of money!!!! It is supposed to be a comedy, but how come I didn't find it funny at all!!!? I don't remember laughing at all actually. I don't understand how can the other people in the cinema laugh uncontrollably when I simply feel like rolling my eyes. Hmmm maybe it is just me (like how I find HIMYM boring too). :(


The severe degree of boringness of "The Other Guys" has led it to join the league of the "Most Horrible Movies EVER".


Epic Movie, The Benchwarmers, and Sex and the City 2 - NOTHING can be worse than that.



Given a choice between Barney and the above, I would choose Barney without hesitation.


Hehehehe:)

I WANT DOUBLE EYELIDS.

I'm been constantly staring at people's eyes recently. And I notice that most of them are blessed with double eyelids!!!! That's why their eyes are so nice!!!!!

Hmpf. I am determined to "create" my own set of double eyelids. TODAY.

Death

"At this moment of the final parting, my heart is heavy with sorrow and grief.” -MM Lee


OMGGGGGG it makes me so depressed just reading this. It is so tragic. It must really be difficult losing someone so close, someone whom he spent 63 years with.

It made me ponder and think about the issues surrounding death.
It is the most heartbreaking, cruel, depressing, melancholic thing that one can ever experience - losing someone they love dearly.


This begets the question:
Why must there be DEATH in this world?!?!?!?!!!

I guess the main reason is so that the earth would not be overcrowded and teeming with people. Death helps to eliminate people to make space for newborn babies. It is understandable if murderers, rapists, smokers have to be gotten rid of (they deserve it actually). But what about the other good people in this world???!! WHY DO THEY HAVE TO DIE???!!!! What about hamsters and other small cute animals, why can't they live forever?!!!?


I hate it that death creates a PERMANENT separation between the living and the dead. I really wish that there was a way that I could contact the dead like right now (but not with the help of a freaky medium). I want to create this spooky phone that allows me to call the 'departed' (I would call it "Dead-Line").

I wanna call my mum and talk to her. I can think of countless things to say to her. I want to call her "mummy" and tell her about my life and my problems. I want to ask her - was she as skinny as me when she was my age?? I want her to scold me for my messy room, my bad shopping habits, my laziness and procrastination. I want her nag at me to bathe, to sleep, to study. I REALLY NEED SOME FORM OF SCOLDING + NAGGING (my dad is just horrible at it). I want her to discipline my life (which is so lacking currently).

I don't mind not being able to see her, but being able to just hear her voice again would make me really happy. I am actually ashamed to admit that I can't remember how she sounds like anymore. I think its just really really sad.


I guess my ultimate wish is that there could be just ONE day that she will return and we can spend time together again. I JUST ASK FOR ONE DAY!!! I want to show her how much Tampines Mall has changed, and bring her shopping at Orchard Road. I want to show her my life, and let her know how much she has missed.

I wonder...will she be able to recognise me? Is the 'me' now somebody that she wanted me to be? How different would I be if she was still around? Will she be happy with the life I am leading now? Will she be proud or disappointed in me?? I want to know - how similar am I to her? Did I inherit my love of shopping from her? Does she love shopping as much as I do? How much clothes, shoes, and bags did she own? Would she approve of my choices of clothes, shoes and bags? Would we have been able to share clothes??


I will never know the answers for sure, as I know that the day will never come, despite me desperately wishing that it would. But I'm sure it would be awesome to spend a day with her. I want to hug her so badly, and tell her how much I miss her. I want to be there when it is time to say goodbye.

So much time has passed that many memories of her has become just a distant, vague memory (hate it that I have bad memory!!!). I wanna relive the moments spent with her, and relish it.


But I am comforted to know for a fact that she is in a much better place, full of happiness and free from all suffering. She is in the presence of God and I can't think of anywhere better than that to be in than that :) I mean, after living in this shitty world for almost 20 years, I can't wait to go heaven too.




On another note, I am feeling extremely full right now and I don't know why (I have not even finished my dinner!!!). My skirt is sooooo freaking tight right now that it is so difficult to breathe. Just one macaroni more and I think my skirt will burst in the seams.

I AM GETTING FAT. OMG.

I want more fats. But why are all the fats appearing at the wrong places??!! :(

TGIW

I ♥ WEDNESDAYS .

R.I.P, little Passionfruit

Omg I am sad, freaking sad right now. (but not as sad as when I heard that Mrs Lee died)

One of my hammies died!!!!!!
*SOBSSSSSSS*

Such a sad, violent death. Its head almost got ripped off, the poor little thing. Its really hard to imagine how violent one hamster can be to another.

I mean, it looks SO INCREDIBLY CUTE and harmless. How it is possible that it is capable of attacking and inflicting such fatal damage unto a fellow hammie??!!! It is just unfathomable.


I'm in mourning mode now. It has not been even been 2 days and my hammie died :(

Gloomy gloomy tuesday speaks of impending doom.

Like dynamite

I throw my hands up in the air sometimes
Saying ay-oh, gotta LET GO.

Children's Day

It's Children's Day today......

It makes me feel OLD :(

Its like a cruel reminder that I am not a kid anymore.
I don't like this day at all. Hmpf.

What a waste

Grrrrrrrr. I just received my 3 bags after 2 months of agonizing wait. And guess what? I don't like ALL the bags!!!!! In fact, I am disgusted with them. I can't believe how ugly they look in real life.
Omggggg, what a waste of money :(

No more bags in a long time, I promise. I think I've been a really good girl, I only bought one item online this month!!!! *pats myself on the back* Its a huge achievement I feel awesome.


Gossip Girl time now!!!!!!!!!!!!! I promise I will study, tomorrow ;)

Yucks

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Somehow stats managed to PISS ME OFF!!!!!!!

The angst inside me is building up exponentially as try to figure you out.
No matter how hard I try to comprehend you, I still am unable to understand you.


Whoever said that women are the hardest to understand is WRONG. That person must have never come across something called "STATISTICS"!!!!!!!!!!


How am I supposed to do the questions when I don't even know how to begin???

Frustrated.

FAT people on MRT

Omg what's with today that fat people simply gravitate towards me in the MRT??? Hahaha, come to think of it the pull of gravity is extremely strong especially on these people (okay not funny).

It is so annoying to be in a peaceful slumber and suddenly nastily roused awake by a blob of fat plonking her enormous butt on the seat next to me.

Don't get me wrong. I totally have nothing against fat people - not until today's experience. I actually enjoy staring at fats (kinda like a fetish). The way it bounces with movement, and how well it envelops itself around a body forming a sort of flabby cushiony area is really interesting and cute. Its quite amazing to observe how much fat a person can be made of.

I am fine with the lady disturbing my little nap (it happens very frequently on the train anyway) and I am sure she probably didn't mean it. Normally I would go back to sleep soon after. But today, I simply could not.

The lady was so fat that her legs and arms were TOUCHING me. I hate being in physical contact with anyone so it made me really really irritated. I tried to make myself as compact as possible and squeezed myself to the corner, but she was still touching me. GRRRRRR. I felt squished. If only I was a gas, I could be compress myself and save myself from this misery.

Anyway this happened TWICE today. Two different fat women sat beside me in the train (one in the morning and one in the evening) and squished me up. I had no space, I couldn't move.


I really wonder if they were aware that they were taking up FAR TOO MUCH SPACE that they were intruding into mine. When one of the women alighted, I realised that she was taking up 1 1/3 seats. Do they know how much their huge mass can inconvenience others??? Are they just ignorant or probably they are taking advantage of the fact that I take up less space that they can use up.

Do they know the meaning of "personal space"??? I feel as though my privacy has been compromised!! This invasion of personal space makes me really angsty.

I'm sure that the reason for having butt-shaped compressions on the seats on the MRT is more than just for comfort. It is an obvious demarcation of where the boundaries of the seats lie. There should be an unspoken rule (out of respect and courtesy) that one should never cross the "imaginary barrier". If not, that would be an intrusion of the other's personal space. It is just plain rude.

But unfortunately fat people can't help it when they take up more space than they are supposed to. It is impossible for their butt to fit nicely into the seat, and their body will definitely spill out onto the neighbouring seats (spillover effect + negative externalities).

If you find that you are too fat that you will take up more than one seat, either find two seats to rest each of your butt cheeks, or else just stand throughout the journey. Be considerate and don't impose yourself on others. It is your fault that you are so fat (what have you been eating??!!). Don't make others suffer for your apparent lack of self control!!


I used to think that it is ridiculous for airlines to charge obese people for 2 seats instead of one but now I fully support that policy. It is only fair to the average person who takes up a 'normal' amount of space on the plane that someone who requires more space pay for the extra space. It would also be more comfortable for both parties.

Perhaps SMRT would like to make the width of the gantries leading to the platform smaller, thus only allowing 'normal' sized people whose butts would fit nicely onto the seats to board the train. Those who are unable to pass through the "smaller" gantries will be escorted to a special cabin. A special cabin created to tailor to the needs of people who require larger seats. The seats in this cabin would have no markings, people there can squish themselves against others all they want.

Gross

Arghhhhh wth I just bathed, and was sitting peacefully in my chair....
until A FREAKING COCKROACH LANDED ON MY LEG!!!!!!!!!

I feel so dirty all over again!!!!!!

It is so revolting just thinking how huge and brown the cockroach was, and the fact that it actually CAME INTO CONTACT with my skin. Ewwwwwwwww.

It is simply undeniable evidence in showing the extent of how filthy and dirty my room is till it has become a breeding ground for pests.

Thanks Mr cockroach.... I will be cleaning my room tomorrow, and destroy your nest!!!!

Paranoia

Okkkk I am far too paranoid. I should stop worrying unnecessarily!!!!!!!!!!!


It's like I'm paranoid lookin' over my back
It's like a whirlwind inside of my head
It's like I can't stop what I'm hearing within
It's like the face inside is right beneath my skin

At the foot of the cross

Trade my ashes in for beauty

And wear forgiveness like a crown

..............

Shopaholics Anonymous

I was bored, so I randomly typed "shopaholic anonymous" in my google bar.

I thought shopaholic anonymous was my novel idea, a randomly made up title for my blog inspired by "alcoholics anonymous".

To my surprise, shopaholics anonymous actually existed. There was even this Shopaholics Anonymous website!

I did the tests on their site to determine whether I was a compulsive buyer, and true enough I accumulated points high enough to put me on the compulsive shopper category.

My closet has unopened shopping bags in it.

Others might consider me a "shopaholic."

Much of my life centers around buying things.

I buy things I don’t need.

I buy things I did not plan to buy.

I consider myself an impulse purchaser.

Do you “take off for the stores” when you’ve experienced a setback or a disappointment, or when you feel angry or scared?

When you shop, do you feel a rush of euphoria mixed with feelings of anxiety?

Do you feel you’re performing a dangerous, reckless or forbidden act when you shop?

When you return home after shopping, do you feel guilty, ashamed, embarrassed or confused?

Are many of your purchases seldom or never worn or used?

Do you lie to your family or friends about what you buy and how much you spend?

Do you think about money excessively – how much you have, how much you owe, how much you wish you had – and then go out and shop again?

I hate to admit I answered "Yes" to all the above statements.




Taken from the website:

Compulsive Shopping seems to be associated with:

* Emotional deprivation in childhood
* Inability to tolerate negative feelings, pain, loneliness, boredom, depression, fear, anger
* Need to fill an inner void – empty and longing inside
* Excitement seeking
* Approval seeking
* Perfectionism
* Genuinely impulsive and compulsive
* Need to gain control

People who become preoccupied with buying stuff and repeatedly spend money on items, regardless of need, are commonly referred to as shopaholics. Scientists call it compulsive buying.

Compulsive buying was linked to materialism, reduced self-esteem, depression, anxiety and stress. Compulsive shoppers had positive feelings associated with buying, and they also tended to hide purchases, return items, have more family arguments about purchases and have more maxed-out credit cards. A dwindling bank account is just one of the upshots of shopping 'til you drop. Others include family conflicts, stress, depression and loss of self-esteem.

New research reveals while some super-shoppers spend to boost self-esteem and band-aid other perceived internal deficits, others' carts are driven by plain-old materialism.

I really like this website. I feel as though it is addressing me personally.
I agree with almost everything on the site! Is it psychic or what? It seems to be reading my mind!!!!

I have this insatiable desire to obtain more material stuff, even though I do not need it. I can confidently say that I have more than enough clothes, shoes, accessories, bags to last me another 10 years or even more. But yet, I always want more.

Though I am spending within my means, its still not good enough because I am literally spending within my means. I spend almost all the money I have, and probably less than 1% goes to my savings -badddd!!!!!!

To me, shopping is like a blanket of comfort.

I find comfort and happiness in the company of my belongings. Maybe I am weird or something, but just looking at my clothes/accessories in my wardrobe makes me happy. It makes me feel as though everything in my life is all fine and merry...If only that was all to life.

After reading all the articles, I feel all the more convinced that something has to be done about my spending habits. It may not be that serious now as compared to the spending patterns of some other people, but I figure this is only the beginning. I must take control before it spirals into something worse, when I fall into debt etc.

What's worse than sinning is sinning knowingly and continuously.

I know what I am doing is wrong, but somehow I still continue to do it. What I really need now is the fruit of self-control and a really strong mind.

I guess there has been some improvement since the previous months ... But more can be done!!!!
Probably the wisest thing to do is to avoid shopping malls at all cost and hide my ibank device in a secure location. I must constantly remind myself that I DO NOT have to buying anything each time I step out of the house!!!!!!!!


I love this particular line from the article (regarding the feeling of longing to buy something)

"It's like having an itch and they have got to scratch it. And they don't realize that just like an itch, if they don't scratch it sooner or later the itch will go away."

YES. I MUST STOP SCRATCHING ALREADY!!!!!!!!!!!!!


It took me quite a bit of courage to type this all out. I can't be lying to myself anymore, telling myself that it is alright, it is normal. I cannot ignore this anymore. It is as stupid as ignoring a ticking time bomb strapped to your chest (unless you are a terrorist). I must be rational and do rational things....

Incompetence

Omg today is the day I feel the stupidest ever. I feel dumb quite often but today...I felt so infinitely stupid that I really wanted a cave to hide myself, bury my head in the ground, huddle up and cry.


I think I am going to get sacked!!!!! :(


Wth, I didn't know how to do so many questions today and I feel really really horrible.

All I could think about was the Double Rainbow song (IT IS AWESOME!!).
I don't know if it is because I put it on repeat for the whole day, that somehow the hypnotic tune caused me to lose my brain matter.

The whole time I was staring at circles and angles trying very hard to see the light and figure something out. It was so retarded because all I had in my head was "Double rainbow all way across the skyyyyy like yeahhhhhhh!!!! So intense!". It was so difficult to focus with the rainbow song stuck in my head screaming "DOUBLE RAINBOW" intermittently.

Arghhh I wanted to give up and die on the spot. How can I not be able to solve questions pertaining to circles and angles??!?!?! It is supposedly my forte. However, after having an ugly confrontation with circles and all his friends, I don't like it anymore.
Eh like hello, who puts circles into triangles, and triangles into circles??? How useful is that!!

After an hour of staring hostilely at the "impossible circles" question and engaging in intellectual banter with my brother, I finally saw the light bringing me out of my mathematical misery. A series of enlightenment followed soon after. But I couldn't feel much smarter because the answers were staring right at me IN MY FACE. Could I be stupider to not have seen the answer earlier?!?

However, one thing I like about doing math is the huge sense of achievement I get whenever I manage to get the correct answer. I feel like a hero - I have conquered and trampled over my enemy (like after completing a L4D mission).

TO MATH: I WON'T BE DEFEATED. I WILL FIGHT YOU FOREVER.


I would like to put the blame on the double rainbow song but I guess my ineptitude is something that cannot be dismissed.
I feel so awful spending so much time thinking about how to solve the question and end up taking a picture of the question to ask my brother for help!! Loser to the max!!!!!!!!!

My student has really been tolerant and merciful. Who can stand an incompetent tutor who gives wrong answers, refers to textbooks repeatedly, unsure of formulas, unable to solve math questions!!!!
Ok, so I am bracing myself for getting sacked. I totally understand. If I were him, I would have sacked myself long time ago.

I am so disappointed in myself.... Like seriously, what I am capable of in life besides spending money?????

So intense

DOUBLE RAINBOW
ALL THE WAY
~~

Across the skyyyyyy

Tin boxes

After half a month of resistance... I fell and succumbed to temptation

51.

I have this growing obsession with collecting boxes from Hersheys. Every time I go to Tampines Mall I can't help but to walk into the Hershey's store to buy another box!!!!



Omg, as I look at the mess in my room, I feel like I am a karang guni hoarding all kinds of stuff. I feel the urgent need to tidy up my room, but the sheer magnitude of things that need cleaning up is turning me off.

Probably one fine day when I am feeling incredibly assiduous, I will get to work.

Reformation

Its the 10th of September today, and I have yet to buy anything (online)!!!!!!!!

It feels really good to know that I have made such awesome progress. Like woooohooooooo I have lived for 1/3 of a month without buying any clothes!!!! Shopping to me is like food and water, it is my basic need. I never thought I could ever survive but I did!!! :)

AND IT FEELS GREAT.

Happiness

Explained by graphs...