I am aware of my weight (or rather lack of it). But it has come to my attention that it is wayyyyyyyyy abnormal!!!
I was looking at my photos when I came across one that totally disgusted me.
I LOOK LIKE A FREAKING STICK!!!!!!!!!
WTH, I'M THINNER THAN THE TREE TRUNK BEHIND ME.
Ewwww!!! Gross to the infinite infinity!
If I were to wear some torn, tattered and dirty clothes, and take the picture in india,
I will definitely look like a malnutritioned, malnourished kid.
Those kids, have one meal a day or probably even lesser. But I have 3 or more meals a day!!
Why do I look like one of them??!
Then it made me think:
Am I just skin and bones????
Yucks!!!!!
Its so weird that I suddenly realised the gravity of this situation.
So I look like that in real life?? Omg that is really disgusting.
I look at my reflection everyday, but never felt that my size was really a huge problem.
But now it is.
Although that photo was taken a year ago, I don't think I look bigger than that now.
Compounded with my recent appetitite problems, I would have to think that I am losing weight.
Argh. Eating has become such a chore!
Its no longer "eat to fill my stomach" because my stomach seems to always feel full.
No longer is it "eat because I love to eat" because I don't love to eat anymore.
Now, it is "eat because you need to gain weight" and I have to force myself to finish my food.
Is my current weight (size) my fault because I didn't eat enough,
or is it a biological problem - high metabolism, small bones??!
Argh.
NEED. TO. DO. SOMETHING. ABOUT. IT.
But what? Besides eating, I don't know what else to do...
See a doctor? Hmmmmmmmmmm